Published June 25, 2011
Please stop kidnapping me.
I accept suffering and I know
all about the past without being
transported there abruptly like
a child left alone in a shopping mall.
Dear memory, my captor, I’m sorry
if life has done things to you that
cannot be erased so easily, but
life will do that and if I want to think
I will think in my own time.
I don’t need to see your slideshows, no
PowerPoints or home videos because
I was there, we went through these things
together, so rest now because
it’s over.
I know suffering was never
in vain, so, dear brain,
stop teaching me lessons I’ve
already heard.
I know you have your reasons
and I won’t ask why, but
please stop giving me flashbacks,
I’m afraid you’ll make me cry.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
138,126 Literary Works • 672,075 Reviews
Hmm. Well, really deep and dark, I like it
Interesting concept. The flow was good at the beginning, but got a little choppy in some places, like my sticky keyboard.
It rhymes in different places. Do you mean for it to rhyme? The end rhymes.
All in all good
I am very tired and I this is the kind of thing I like to read before I sleep. Dark and meaningful. Call me crazy. Whatever.
Robin says hi. Robin likes it too, which is strange because usually he is a very cheery, non-dark person. Oh well.
Good work! Sleep well,
FV
Hi there Matt.
This is a nice poem with a creative concept, but there are some things I'd like to tackle beforehand.
For the most part, the poem flows well, but at times there's a little trip up in certain places which really puts off the the fluidity of it. And I think it's only due to a lack of some syllables. Like:
It's almost there with the meter, but only almost. I think only one more syllable would do it
Another thing...
I think, sans a comma at the end of the first line of this quote, it just gets a little jumbled. I had to read it twice before I actually understood what you were trying to say.
I think this was interesting. It wasn't anything really, really special but it was well-executed and possessed an originality that's hard to find in poems these days. I think, at times, though, you made it a little more confusing than it should have been and this was only due to some mixed up words and maybe a small lack of proper punctuation. But I like it. 'Twas nice
Yours,
Lavvie
Wowee! This is so amazing! I love this poem so much. It seems so raw and full of dark emotion... Very descriptive and full of energy... Great job; I love it!
I enjoyed this! I liked your metaphor for your memory as a kidnapper, it's an extremely good and creative example for how your past can overpower your present sense and emotions. I can definitely relate to something like this. You can probably work on the flow of your piece with a little bit of editing and proof-reading, but overall I think you did a splendid job:)
Keep writing!
<3 Sara.
I liked that you personified memory. Cool idea. I do have to comment on your rhyming though. You only rhymed at the very end so it made me stop and go back to see if I had missed something somewhere. Your rhyming should be consistent. Good job though!
I liked this a lot. I think the word choice could have been a bit better, a bit more sophisticated, but overall it was good, most of the time it had descent rhthm too. Nicely done =]